when we were kids with achy knees, we were told they’re “growing pains”
received kisses on our foreheads to soothe our tender muscle strains
but the torment ten years later, from the anguish of the mind
dismissed as human nature, the maturation of mankind.
when you lay face down in bed saying “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I patted your back and said “shh, it’s okay.” when you were dumb and drunk and bleeding, I kissed your forehead. even when you were feeling guilty about being hurt, I told you to never think that you had to be able to justify the way you feel.
when you were alone in there, I spent days running around to different offices and hours on the phone, trying to find out what I could do, just to find out you never really wanted my help after all. then I felt so guilty. I was so mad at myself.
when something was bothering me and I said what was on my mind, I got a “well dude your life is gonna suck” and that was the end of the conversation. then I just felt annoying for complaining.
I told you to never feel guilty for complaining. you said “that’s true, thanks.”
when I felt guilty, you said “about time.”
about time. like you’ve been waiting for this for ages.
(remember when we were fighting once and I said we’re just strangers who’ve seen each other naked?
we pop pills by the handful and nickname them strength
phones always in hand but wives kept at arm’s length
we swallow our thoughts; say we’re happy, at peace
run in fear from the heroes we call the police.
regurgitate text - this is called education
rationalize love as mere lustful temptation
sew our mouths and minds shut, this is how we mature
convince ourselves the poison is really the cure.
Universe, I surrender.
No more fighting from me.